Magical Kitsune Naruchan!
by BlackFeatherz29
Summary: AU Gender Bender Parody: Haruno Sakutaro transfers to a new school and falls in love with the Ice Queen, Uchiha Satsuki. But when Uzumaki Naru-chan shows him her fox tail and vows to make him her husband, what's a guy to do? Warning: melts the brain.


Magical Kitsune Naru-chan

By BlackFeatherz29

Chapter 1: You're Gonna Be My Husband!

Bahaha. What a great idea to start this fic about two days before finals. Wow, I'm so responsible. But this just had to be written. IT HAD TO BE WRITTEN.

Too many ecchi, stereotypical series clogging the anime industry these days. Tsk, tsk. Nasty old otakus, these series target. And because of the amount of suckage some of them amount to, why not write a parody?

Don't take this seriously :) I don't usually write like this. If you don't like the storyline, blame those ecchi series creators. They all reap money from that same storyline.

This fic is made of: 200+ finals review problems within two days, feelings of absolute hopelessness from bombing that AP Biology test last Friday, eating too much cake, and seizure-inducing hot showers. Yeah, that's it. I don't own the stereotypical plotline. I do own my imagination and that funny gray matter that is my brain, though. And those awesome gender-bender names.

* * *

As cherry blossoms sailed through the air, Haruno Sakutaro looked up at the tall, dingy white building and sighed. 'Life was so much better in my old school, he thought miserably. 'Why did I have to leave and come here to the middle of nowhere? I miss my friends already...'

"Saku-chan!" called his mother from the entrance. "Come on! You're going to be late!"

Heaving another massive sigh, Sakutaro braced himself and ran forward. "Hai!"

Ascending those stairs took longer than he could ever have thought possible. Maybe it was just him, but he never felt so tired before, even when he was climbing up the flight of stone steps leading up to the local Shinto shrine.

Arriving at the office, he was met with his new homeroom teacher. Her appearance was... unexpected.

"My, my! What a cutie! I just can't wait to teach him all sorts of new things!"

She was tall, with messy spiked gray hair that went in all directions and mostly fell over her face, which was nearly covered with a black face mask. Before Sakutaro could wonder if she was part-ninja in her profession, he noticed her chests. He goggled. Those must have been the biggest pair of hooters he had ever seen! And she wasn't helping, wearing that low-cut blouse and short leather skirt!

Glancing up quickly at his mother to voice his objections at having such a scandalous lady as his teacher, Sakutaro watched with amazement as his mother immediately bonded with the voluptuous new teacher and promptly left.

"Good luck, Saku-chan!" she had called in lieu of a farewell. "Take care of your sensei! I've invited her to dinner at our house on Thursday night!"

Sakutaro could only stare and sweat.

"My, cutie boy! What an adorable name to go with your adorable face!"

Sakutaro turned around to see his new homeroom teacher looming over him in a very suggestive way. With a yelp, he fell on the floor.

"Haruno Sakutaro-kun, right? You can just call me Kakashi-sensei!" Here, she smirked. "Or, you could call me 'Seeenseeeeeeiii'...!" Here she added a low, sexy moan.

With a screech, Sakutaro climbed back up and dusted off his new school uniform, trying to maintain at least a smidgen of dignity. "Urm, s-sorry, s-s-sensei, but I'm a-afraid that th-this is n-n-not p-proper at a-all..."

"Ohohoho! So serious! How cute~!"

The lady teacher planted a spine-crushing hug on the poor student, who started twitching as he felt those two huge balloons pressing against his neck.

"Let's introduce you to the rest of my cute students!"

And so, that was how Haruno Sakutaro found himself under the scrutiny of thirty of his new classmates.

"U-Uh, I'm Haruno S-Sakutaro, and I'm looking forward to working with you all this year!" Here, he took a quick bow and kept his face down. He could feel the gazes burning on his skin.

"Okay, then Sakutaro-kun! Please sit right there, next to Naru-chan. Naru-chan, wave please!"

Sakutaro peeked up and spotted a tiny blond girl waving enthusiastically.

"Hey! Hi! Yo! I'm Uzumaki Naru-chan! Pleased to meet you~!" Sakutaro could feel himself sweatdropping as he sat down at his new seat. The girl was just a ball of energy. Huge blue eyes stared at him and long blond ponytails waved in the air. 'She's pretty cute...' he thought, eyeing her appreciatively.

"And Uchiha Satsuki-chan! I'm counting on you to show Sakutaro-kun the way around the school this week!"

"Hai, sensei."

Searching for the source of the new voice, Sakutaro felt his eyes land on a head of long, silky dark hair. The girl turned to look at him, and he felt his heart leave his body.

He had seen an angel. There was no other possible explanation. That alabaster skin..! Those lips as rosy as the last rays of the dying sunset...! Those liquid eyes of volcanic obsidian...! That indescribably beautiful face that could only have come from heaven above...!

His urge to suddenly spout love poetry was cruelly stamped down by a deadly glare from the girl in question. He clutched his heart, tears dripping down his face.

"Oh, what a shame," a random male classmate whispered. "Another one shot down by the Ice Queen." Poor Sakutaro could only sob silently into his desktop.

"Mou..." came Naru-chan's pout. "Nobody ever looks at Naru-chan after they see Satsuki-chan..."

* * *

Lunchtime came. Bored with his new class now that Satsuki had up and disappeared, Sakutaro took it unto himself to go visit the other classrooms to see if there was something to do.

"Hey, it's Saku-chan!"

He whipped his head around in surprise and barely suppressed horror. "Ino-pig, what are you doing here?!" he yelped.

His scream was directed at the tall, handsome blond boy who clutched a girl in each arm. The boy's beautiful face twisted into a smirk.

"I see you again for the first time in all these years, and all you have to say is that? You sure haven't changed one bit!"

Sakutaro twitched, stepping back. Yamanaka Inomaru had been his childhood friend, the first person who had looked past his previously unsightly head of bubblegum pink hair and befriended him. And yet --!

"And you...! What are you doing with those girls? What happened to you?!"

Inomaru shook out his magnificent blond mane with a manly chuckle. "Ara, Saku-chan, don't tell me you can't tell?"

"Ignore the idiot. He thinks he's all that," said the girl on the left of him, chewing a wad of gum and looking unimpressed, her eyes heavily lined and her hair tightly bound up into a spiky ponytail. The plump girl on the right just crunched on her bag of chips.

"But Shika-chan~!" wailed Inomaru, looking like he was about to cry. "You can't tell me that you don't love me! Just look at me! Gaze upon these perfectly bronzed muscles, this angelic golden-blond hair, these snow-white teeth that sparkle in the sun!"

"... good God, he's turned into a narcissist," groaned Sakutaro, turning away and stalking back to his own classroom. Conveniently, he spotted his angel, Satsuki-chan, right outside the doorway, eying him distastefully.

Sakutaro's eyes morphed into hearts. "Satsuki-chan~!" he cried, skipping his way to her. "Are you here to take me on a tour?"

"NOOOO~!" came Ino's mournful bellow. "Hands off, Haruno! She's my girl!"

"Fuck off, baboon," was her sneering reply. Ino collapsed in the hallway, Shika poking at him with her foot.

Sakutaro, meanwhile, was positively delighted. "I always knew that you loved me, Satsuki-chan!" he yelled, only to be downed by a powerful kick to the jaw.

"I'm only doing my job," was her ice-cold reply. "Don't think you have a chance with me, Strawberry Shortcake."

He followed her down the hall with a heavy heart. 'Strawberry Shortcake...! It was nearly worse than 'baboon'!'

* * *

Heaving yet another long sigh, Sakutaro opened his new school locker with resignation and pulled off his indoor shoes. Only the first day, and so much had happened. If only Satsuki-chan didn't hate him so much... then everything would be right! Even that freaky teacher would be okay!

"Huh?" A note fell out of his shoe locker. He picked it up and scrutinized it experimentally. 'To Haruno-kun,' it said.

'Love letters on the first day here?' he thought, dismayed. 'It's not worth it if it isn't Satsuki-chan.' Opening it up, he saw that it read, 'Please meet me in the library after school.'

Considering his options for a moment, Sakutaro decided to go check it out, street shoes and all. What could it hurt?

Making his way up the stairs and to the library (he had to ask some nice tennis club girls for directions), he went through the library's old wooden double doors.

And there, sitting on a table and bathed in the last rays of the dying sun, was Naru-chan.

"N-Naru-chan?" he gasped, unable to mask his surprise.

She looked uncharcteristically solemn as she slid off the table and slowly walked toward him until they were nearly nose to nose.

"Hmm..."

'Hmm what?' asked Inner Sakutaro nervously. On closer inspection, her eyes really were pretty. Crystal blue with strange pointed cat's pupils... huh?

"... yep!" Naru-chan flashed him a huge smile.

"Huh?" was his intelligent reply.

"I've decided!" she crowed. "Saku-chan's gonna be my husband!"

'WHAT?!' went Inner Sakutaro. But before Outer Sakutaro had a chance to react, he caught sight of a big fluffy orange thing that was swishing behind her.

It was growing... out of her butt? Quickly glancing back to Naru-chan's face, Sakutaro's bookish mind finally added up all the factors.

Whisker marks... cat's pupils... big fluffy tail grown out of butt... tiny furry ears growing out of her head!

He fainted.

* * *

Wahahaha! Man, that was fun. I didn't have to go back and revise anything at all! I've gotten so used to anime stereotypes that they just flow out naturally!

Hope you enjoyed this presentation. You'll have to wait at least another week to see the next chapter. This ain't gonna be a very long fic, and I'm hoping on finishing it soon. See yah, and don't forget to review!


End file.
